November 22, 2017

The Resilient Parent

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Finally I have got round to writing my blog again. I apologise for the lack of contact recently but I’ve been working on a number of projects and have got behind on some of my key activities. I’m sure I am not alone in having great intentions that somehow get lost in the daily buzz of life. I swear that the days whizz by faster than ever these days. Here we are in March already. And today my beautiful daughters turned 18. Well, they will in a few hours, as they didn’t arrive until 2111hrs and 2120 after being induced as I was 40 weeks plus 4 days. Which in twin terms in 3 weeks overdue!! Nowadays they induce twin pregnancies from 37 weeks according to the NICE guidelines. I wonder how different they would have been if they had arrived earlier into the world?

Being a parent has really grown and stretched me as a women and has certainly factored into being part of the growth and development of my resilience. So today I thought i’d share my thoughts on the journey I’ve taken to get here, proud Mum to a 20 year old and two 18 year olds!!

Using my B.O.U.N.C.E. Model of Resilience I’ll share amy key thoughts on each principle and it apart in my journey to being a resilient parent.

 

B for Belief in your ability to cope

Interestingly I’ve always believed very strongly that I could cope as a parent. Even when faced with lone parenthood when my girls were just just 9 months old and Josh just a toddler I knew I would cope. I’m not sure where that strength of belief came from but it has sustained me through some very tough times. This strength of belief really is key to being resilient. So remember to focus on what you can do not what you can’t!  And if your beliefs are holding you back then change them!! Of course you need help to do that sometimes as they can be buried in our subconscious mind. Where once our beliefs  protected us from harm later on they can keep us stuck and unable to move forward. I love working with clients to help them move forward. And I’m sure i’ll have my own challenges head as my lovely young adults become ever more independent.

 

O for Optimism and Goal Setting.

This has been key for me as my kids have grown up. I had a very clear vision of how I wanted their childhood to be and although that got shaken up by my ex-husbands battle with alcoholism and my journey as a lone parent I still aspired to have well grounded, kids who have done their best and been given a loving environment to grow up in. All the rest is just trimmings. So when they were tiny my goal was to get off benefits when they went back to school. Next my goal was to ensure they had a great relationship with their Dad which meant I had to work through my feelings, my anger and put aside my ‘crap’ to ensure the best for them. Then it was to get them into a good school where the values were aligned to mine.  Nowadays my goal is to support them in their choices as they go into adulthood, some I may agree with and  others I may not. I may struggle at times but I know I’ll cope and I will also have to ensure I have clear goals for myself as I move forward. So exciting times ahead for us all.

U are a survivor.

Yes that’s true! As a parent there have been many times when I’ve had to haul myself up by my mental boot straps and put on a brave face to ensure that the world of my kids has not been rocked too hard by some of life’s curve balls. The toughest was when their Granddad died as he was such a key part of their childhood. And of course I was grieving myself as was the rest of the family. But together we coped, even though we all grieved different ways. Time and time again it has been proven to me that attitude is key. Who you are choosing to be at any moment in time will affect the way your life goes.

 

N is nurturing yourself.

This one has been hard for me as it’s so easy to put myself last. The kids come first is a mantra many a mother has said to herself as she has struggled through a tough day. But I learnt that as the key lynch pin for my family actually, I have to put my health and wellbeing at the front of what I do. That’s why I now eat a great super healthy diet 80% of the time and 20% I indulge my love of sweeter treats. I also ensure I have regular reflexology sessions and chiropractic treatments which are part of my essential toolkit for well-being.  And i’ve taught my kids to value their health and to be responsible for it by making informed choices.

 

C is Connection and support.

The journey through parenthood is better when you move through it with friends that share your core values on parenting. I’ve been lucky to have great friends along the way to help me and even when two of those very special friends from my antenatal classes were taken from this world far too early their spouses and kids have stayed in my world and I’m grateful for that. Friendship like most things has its natural ebb and flow and today as my girls turn 18 I’m thankfully for those friends who have been part of my journey. Some are still with me, others have moved on in life but it was great to have them on the ride. Thanks for your support and to those who are still riding along with me, long may we continue on this path of life together.

 

E is Enjoying and Celebrating.

This is so essential to our resilience and it’s not the big things that matter but rather the accumulation of little successes along the way. These add up to the big meaningful things. Maybe having twins has highlighted to me the importance of those little things. With twins you get to do things twice. One twin achieves a milestone and you celebrate and then you wait for the other twin to conquer that goal too. In the early days it was walking, talking, potty training etc. Nowadays it’s university interviews and job interviews. And whatever the outcome there is always something that can be learnt and celebrated. It was tough last year when Georgina passed her driving test first time and Victoria 3rd. How do you celebrate and commiserate on the same day? Well we did and we’re stronger and more empathetic as a result.  All these add up each day to make me a more resilient women.

And of course the journey through parenthood is not over yet, for it continues throughout our life and I personally welcome the next stage of the journey. If it teaches me even half the number of life lessons it has so far then I shall be a better women for it.

If  you are a women who is struggling with balancing the many  demands of your world and you’d like support then start by downloading my booklet , connect via Facebook or Twitter so we can stay in touch. And remember when you need a helping hand just reach out and ask me. I Love coaching women to be resilient and don’t wait till your struggling, now is the time to call before you get really out of balance.

Wishing you ultimate wellbeing and bounce-back ability.

 

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